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*sorry.

i will pray and see how God works. i dont expect anything in return and i really thank God tt im feeling better. ((:

*sorry.

i will pray and see how God works. i dont expect anything in return and i really thank God tt im feeling better. ((:

going to meet amanda later at causeway! : D

one thing i've been learning is to not let my emotions rule over me. which has been something tt have been so real and its a big struggle. and after gonig thru so much, i struggle to praise God at times. i see myself slowly being outcast. was doing QT ytd and was on the issue of fear. (altho its not the main thing of the QT but i felt tt it is, for now.) fear.

and i wanna to say tt i really understand when ppl says they find it hard to share and be vulnerable infront of pple. for the past 1year i felt tt way. sharing and being open have not been easy. know why? because when you share, ppl judges you. (okay, depends on who). im not pin-pointing at anyone but well, ppl judge. i've been feeling like tt for the longest time and its not because i dont want to share my problems with you but cause you judges. you judge.

only God can judge me*

fear. fear of being left alone. fear of losing to others. fear of losing pple ard you.fear of rejection. fear of uncertainties. fear of being outcast/ unoticed. fear of darkness. fear of knowing your own self. fear*

i dont need to impress anyone but dont judge me when you dont even know me.

had quite a okay day today. met lucille and sarah to do something cool today. then met mindy and beryl for lunch and talking session! quite cool.

met pastor shern :D and frankie for dinner. i love laughing with them. oh wells.

aw, i been dreaming tt i failed 'O' levels. )):

sometimes i just feel weird that why do ppl hate to be judged yet judge others so easily? i really hate to be judged and well, its something i need to learn to face. seriously, i think tt alot of ppl dont know me. and therefore, i cant really blame others when things happen in a weird way.thank God He knows my struggles and the many times i pray tt i will be firm in Him. He's great enough. and i will stop defending myself and prove you wrong, but God shall be my defender and the center of all my friendships.

i really appreciate the friendship i shared with lucille&sarah. i mean there are really times when we just shared and even at times when we just dont talk, and we all know tt each other company is enough. if you girls are reading, i really thank God for you(s). i know there are times we just pissed each other off, whether known/not, i thank God for those times. perhaps recently i've been less of myself, but know tt i will be fine soon and of course with God and sisters like you(s), life wont get tt bad. perhaps its just the 'dry' period and i see the things ard me falling and seeing more of how God word really stands forever. and im learning to hold onto the things tt stand forever. i guess you all know what i mean. and one thing i really love abt you all is tt you understand what im feeling despite not explaining much.((: i love the times when you all nod in agreement and of course the tears and laughters.

i still love hazelnut ice cream. and sunset way. : D

meeting amandaTAN tmr. the crazy girl. for hmmm let me think, i dont know! then camp afterglow! havent decide whether to go not. im in the camp too. heh. i need to talk. and thrash things out with you guys, really. i will be mentally prepared, at least try. ((:

(: im so feeling better. and im not hurting tht bad anymore! YEAH> (:
finally. OUTTA OF MY THINKING! :D

*Jesus take the wheel.
She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Goin' home to see her mama & her daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It'd been a long hard year

She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was so scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Jesus, take the wheel
It was still getting colder when she made it to a shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said, "I'm sorry for the way I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus, take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me Oh, why, oh

not so bright right? cause mindy cover alittle of the camera flash! (:

25dec:

i went for a walk! hahas, quite a cool&weird one. i walked from my house to the long lane which lead to SLE(BKE) then yes, walked up to SLE then from there walked down to causeway. its pretty cool. i walked for abt one hour plus at the expressway. its quite a wow feeling. no i dont have sucidal thoughts ah. i just keep walking and my thoughts just get better and better. and thank God im just feeling better now. met sam for dinner at causeway(: we watched a movie! i really feel better meeting sam and just catching up! (: and i really praise God for sam! he spent christmas with me lah, if not i will be so so so bored. and he is always there, really (: God is good, cant be any better.

26dec:

okay, today is cool. (: i went out with mummy the whole day, its been long man. we did something really wow. like we went to the tavel agency @ sun plaza, and booked a trip to genting right away. hahaa, four days 3nights. im really looking forward to it and i guess she really needs a break tt's y i insisted for a holiday. wells, maybe i think i need it too. but its only gonna be me and her. and i think im started to feel kinda worried and scare. cause i mean what if we really have nothing to do there and i really hope it turn out well you know. pray k. PLS. (:

okay then after the thrill of booking the trip we went to daddy's office. and we stayed there for abt 2hours and left for SHOPPING@ this fashion! i finally bought my jeans and mummy got me a top! (: loves.

sometimes i feel that actually im a little afraid of spending time with mummy. i dont know why. maybe cause i know she's really hurting&grieving still, and i dont know how to deal with it. and maybe cause im still grieving&hurting too and its an issue that deep inside we both know we wont want to talk abt. i really feel very sad&sorry for her. really.. ): so going to genting with her ONLY next week will be a big challenge for me.. to be able to minister to her. so i really need to trust God for it. so dearest ppl, really must pray. i've never feel this way before, little bit scare, little afraid, little excited, little worry.. hmmm i dont know.

okay, anyway, i going east coast tmr! helping out joshua with the younger ones who have just been promted to youth ministry! hooray! pray for compassion and love ya! (: i really need a break too man! and i want to cycle really really badly! loves! and twinne will be there too! : D

alrights, should leave this blogger.com now. ha (: spend more time watching tv with mummy! love.

this life? its not about me. knowing that Jesus is the center of everything? like what cadbury says, wouldnt it be nice? : D

countdown to christmas in church ytd.

reach home at 2am.
slept at 3plus. cause i cant sleep. aw, i hate night time when i need to sleep and morning when i wake up. AAHH

im so bored today, so so bored. all because of someone who broke that promise. whatever. not worth my tears. and not worth me trying and trying again. freaks. hate it when pple say they will be ard but wont. those cards are fake to eh. OUT OF MY LIFE.

every lies have a reason behind it? well i guess so.

ah, im so so damm freaking bored. maybe i will go for a jog. im feeling super irritated by some pple who always hurt pple, damm self-centered can.

just came back from dinner with the really funny ppl. (:
thanks sam! SO MUCH. :D

i tried sending out an e-mail and it failed. two times. but i really hope he receive. ha. oh wells. i really really really hate myself for being so emotional lah. i mean in alot of things. not just the issue now but i've always been. and i guess alot of things like i said, i learnt it the hard way. and i know im learning something now too, the really hardest way for me. gives and take away. i know one day He will take away and perhaps i should start to prepare earlier but well, now im at least trying to, but the harder way... while the hurt may (really) slowly fades, the missing deepens, each and every single day.

sometimes i hate to think. and i dont like to have thoughts. cause for now i guess almost all the thoughts hurt. blah. whatever lah.

and my brother's friends are ard. whatever. BYE

i just wrote 2 long christmas cards to 2 special persons (: at least used to be extra-special. oh wells.

i remb everytime when christmas is near there wil be this msg passing ard and hey i got this again this morning from brother eujin! it goes something like this:

"He had no servants yet the called Him Master, no degree yet they called Him Teacher, no medicines yet they called Him Healer, no armies yet kings feared Him, He won no military battles yet He conquered the world, He commited no crime yet they crucified Him. He was buried yet He lives today. His name is Jesus, wonderful savior."

im always amazed by that. and altho year after year i received the same thing, im still encouraged by it. (:

being random. i seriously hate the feeling of being hurt. okay, like who likes it? and ya, alot of times i guess my emotions rule over me which is such a super terrible thing. well, learn it the hard way, yongling. now that im losing so much for Christ sake, i learn and pick up things along the way. i know life is so gonna be SO damm different but well, Jesus will be the same. altho i hurt, i cry, things wont change. so im going to say, im going to walk out! of what im in now and tt include you. heh.

major changes happening ard too. ah! i seriously hate changes cause im afraid. and i know im so going to miss alot of things and alot of ppl. *hugs ):

okay alrights.

new URL again! ha, hannah is the 1st to know i guess. thanks dear, she is such a great help! :D i was browsing thru my past entries in my previous blogs and i chanced upon this entry:

Thursday, September 14, 2006

declared, broken. moulding in process.
*steven curtis chapman
I can see tears filling your eyes
And I know where they're coming from
They're coming from a heart that's broken in two
By what you don't see

I've watched the wind blow hard against you
And I have seen your faith get weakened by the pain
And I want you to know that I will be praying for you
To hold on
Don't let the fire die

The flame has been dimmed by the tears that you cry
But I can still see the spark of His love in your eye
So don't let the fire, please don't let the fire die
This heavy weight you carry around
Of letting yourself and everybody down
Is pouring water on the passion that use to burn so bright

Well I know you've got your reasons for resentment
And I know it's more than I can understand
So just let me say that I am going to be praying for you
To let it all go

JESUS, take it all...


and this is where the url comes abt. sparks of His love. the song "dont let the fire die"- steven curtis chapman has always been something that speaks right to me. (: and looking and reading those past entries, again , i see how i always fall upon God last time and i remembered how comforting it is just knowing that your God will always be there for you, to cry with, laugh with and for you to be loved.

im on this search, for that passionate for God girl i talked about that time. yes, im determined to find her. and i promise i will by His grace! i appreciate every single one of you out there, all the "are you okay?", " what's wrong?" , "wanna talk?" and even the smiles and simple msges. loves(:

lets do some dedications:

mindy! : thanks for talking to me online. (: you are a special sister-in-Christ that God placed in my life too. remb our movie deal?! heee! soon k? ann yes thanks for the box of disney biscuits, its terribly NICE! :D :D we go for some buffet thing soon k? i want to EAT EAT EAT. and like you say, i want to enjoy my holidays!

sarah: (: your presense just mean so much.i love the way you are, not questioning me or asking but just being there.

daryl: im so GLAD you are back! :D love. thankyou for your concern, really! musical later! <3

weisheng: hey. things getting fine ya. (: thanks for being a reminder of God's love. God gives grace to the humble right?remb? hahaa. im glad God brought you back to Himself!

ximin: (: you are just one precious girl in God's eyes.

HANNAH: thanks!!! <<333333333

beryl: i still enjoy taking care of you and being rant at by you. that's love. *hugs*

kor: takecare! changes happen. stay strong.

bigfreak: i love bigfreak! :D :D you are great, really. i love you being ard AT THE TIMES.! :D :D you makes me happy too! bright up my day!

okay now i feel like i just won some star awards. ha. alright. got to go, musical later! thanks daryl. im feeling sleepy. and i getting forgetful. did i just bathe, heh. bummer. okay yongling. the joy of the Lord shall be your strength. hang in there! as always, i know i will pull thru it cause God never let me go.

the storms of life proves the strength of your anchor.

thru tears&joy, i'll walk with You;
JESUS, you are my Lord and my life;
JESUS
no one who met Him ever stay the same.



yongling*
groovy;eighteen
28may89
STARS ROCK my world.
LOVE red & black
LOVE jellybeans
marshmallows
candies
chocolate
honeycrabs!
beach;life-LOVE peace.
life-verse.
hebrews 12:2-3
WEFC
under;contruction*
noMUSIC. no LIFE.


I LOVE GOD
if you dont agree with me then back off here.
and
yongling loves her kor & her ministry.

IDentified*


*beryl
*joanne
*lucille
*sarah
*vera
*yongling

*sorry.

i will pray and see how God works. i dont expect anything in return and i really thank God tt im feeling better. ((:

*sorry.

i will pray and see how God works. i dont expect anything in return and i really thank God tt im feeling better. ((:

going to meet amanda later at causeway! : D

one thing i've been learning is to not let my emotions rule over me. which has been something tt have been so real and its a big struggle. and after gonig thru so much, i struggle to praise God at times. i see myself slowly being outcast. was doing QT ytd and was on the issue of fear. (altho its not the main thing of the QT but i felt tt it is, for now.) fear.

and i wanna to say tt i really understand when ppl says they find it hard to share and be vulnerable infront of pple. for the past 1year i felt tt way. sharing and being open have not been easy. know why? because when you share, ppl judges you. (okay, depends on who). im not pin-pointing at anyone but well, ppl judge. i've been feeling like tt for the longest time and its not because i dont want to share my problems with you but cause you judges. you judge.

only God can judge me*

fear. fear of being left alone. fear of losing to others. fear of losing pple ard you.fear of rejection. fear of uncertainties. fear of being outcast/ unoticed. fear of darkness. fear of knowing your own self. fear*

i dont need to impress anyone but dont judge me when you dont even know me.

had quite a okay day today. met lucille and sarah to do something cool today. then met mindy and beryl for lunch and talking session! quite cool.

met pastor shern :D and frankie for dinner. i love laughing with them. oh wells.

aw, i been dreaming tt i failed 'O' levels. )):

sometimes i just feel weird that why do ppl hate to be judged yet judge others so easily? i really hate to be judged and well, its something i need to learn to face. seriously, i think tt alot of ppl dont know me. and therefore, i cant really blame others when things happen in a weird way.thank God He knows my struggles and the many times i pray tt i will be firm in Him. He's great enough. and i will stop defending myself and prove you wrong, but God shall be my defender and the center of all my friendships.

i really appreciate the friendship i shared with lucille&sarah. i mean there are really times when we just shared and even at times when we just dont talk, and we all know tt each other company is enough. if you girls are reading, i really thank God for you(s). i know there are times we just pissed each other off, whether known/not, i thank God for those times. perhaps recently i've been less of myself, but know tt i will be fine soon and of course with God and sisters like you(s), life wont get tt bad. perhaps its just the 'dry' period and i see the things ard me falling and seeing more of how God word really stands forever. and im learning to hold onto the things tt stand forever. i guess you all know what i mean. and one thing i really love abt you all is tt you understand what im feeling despite not explaining much.((: i love the times when you all nod in agreement and of course the tears and laughters.

i still love hazelnut ice cream. and sunset way. : D

meeting amandaTAN tmr. the crazy girl. for hmmm let me think, i dont know! then camp afterglow! havent decide whether to go not. im in the camp too. heh. i need to talk. and thrash things out with you guys, really. i will be mentally prepared, at least try. ((:

(: im so feeling better. and im not hurting tht bad anymore! YEAH> (:
finally. OUTTA OF MY THINKING! :D

*Jesus take the wheel.
She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Goin' home to see her mama & her daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It'd been a long hard year

She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was so scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Jesus, take the wheel
It was still getting colder when she made it to a shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said, "I'm sorry for the way I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus, take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me Oh, why, oh

not so bright right? cause mindy cover alittle of the camera flash! (:

25dec:

i went for a walk! hahas, quite a cool&weird one. i walked from my house to the long lane which lead to SLE(BKE) then yes, walked up to SLE then from there walked down to causeway. its pretty cool. i walked for abt one hour plus at the expressway. its quite a wow feeling. no i dont have sucidal thoughts ah. i just keep walking and my thoughts just get better and better. and thank God im just feeling better now. met sam for dinner at causeway(: we watched a movie! i really feel better meeting sam and just catching up! (: and i really praise God for sam! he spent christmas with me lah, if not i will be so so so bored. and he is always there, really (: God is good, cant be any better.

26dec:

okay, today is cool. (: i went out with mummy the whole day, its been long man. we did something really wow. like we went to the tavel agency @ sun plaza, and booked a trip to genting right away. hahaa, four days 3nights. im really looking forward to it and i guess she really needs a break tt's y i insisted for a holiday. wells, maybe i think i need it too. but its only gonna be me and her. and i think im started to feel kinda worried and scare. cause i mean what if we really have nothing to do there and i really hope it turn out well you know. pray k. PLS. (:

okay then after the thrill of booking the trip we went to daddy's office. and we stayed there for abt 2hours and left for SHOPPING@ this fashion! i finally bought my jeans and mummy got me a top! (: loves.

sometimes i feel that actually im a little afraid of spending time with mummy. i dont know why. maybe cause i know she's really hurting&grieving still, and i dont know how to deal with it. and maybe cause im still grieving&hurting too and its an issue that deep inside we both know we wont want to talk abt. i really feel very sad&sorry for her. really.. ): so going to genting with her ONLY next week will be a big challenge for me.. to be able to minister to her. so i really need to trust God for it. so dearest ppl, really must pray. i've never feel this way before, little bit scare, little afraid, little excited, little worry.. hmmm i dont know.

okay, anyway, i going east coast tmr! helping out joshua with the younger ones who have just been promted to youth ministry! hooray! pray for compassion and love ya! (: i really need a break too man! and i want to cycle really really badly! loves! and twinne will be there too! : D

alrights, should leave this blogger.com now. ha (: spend more time watching tv with mummy! love.

this life? its not about me. knowing that Jesus is the center of everything? like what cadbury says, wouldnt it be nice? : D

countdown to christmas in church ytd.

reach home at 2am.
slept at 3plus. cause i cant sleep. aw, i hate night time when i need to sleep and morning when i wake up. AAHH

im so bored today, so so bored. all because of someone who broke that promise. whatever. not worth my tears. and not worth me trying and trying again. freaks. hate it when pple say they will be ard but wont. those cards are fake to eh. OUT OF MY LIFE.

every lies have a reason behind it? well i guess so.

ah, im so so damm freaking bored. maybe i will go for a jog. im feeling super irritated by some pple who always hurt pple, damm self-centered can.

just came back from dinner with the really funny ppl. (:
thanks sam! SO MUCH. :D

i tried sending out an e-mail and it failed. two times. but i really hope he receive. ha. oh wells. i really really really hate myself for being so emotional lah. i mean in alot of things. not just the issue now but i've always been. and i guess alot of things like i said, i learnt it the hard way. and i know im learning something now too, the really hardest way for me. gives and take away. i know one day He will take away and perhaps i should start to prepare earlier but well, now im at least trying to, but the harder way... while the hurt may (really) slowly fades, the missing deepens, each and every single day.

sometimes i hate to think. and i dont like to have thoughts. cause for now i guess almost all the thoughts hurt. blah. whatever lah.

and my brother's friends are ard. whatever. BYE

i just wrote 2 long christmas cards to 2 special persons (: at least used to be extra-special. oh wells.

i remb everytime when christmas is near there wil be this msg passing ard and hey i got this again this morning from brother eujin! it goes something like this:

"He had no servants yet the called Him Master, no degree yet they called Him Teacher, no medicines yet they called Him Healer, no armies yet kings feared Him, He won no military battles yet He conquered the world, He commited no crime yet they crucified Him. He was buried yet He lives today. His name is Jesus, wonderful savior."

im always amazed by that. and altho year after year i received the same thing, im still encouraged by it. (:

being random. i seriously hate the feeling of being hurt. okay, like who likes it? and ya, alot of times i guess my emotions rule over me which is such a super terrible thing. well, learn it the hard way, yongling. now that im losing so much for Christ sake, i learn and pick up things along the way. i know life is so gonna be SO damm different but well, Jesus will be the same. altho i hurt, i cry, things wont change. so im going to say, im going to walk out! of what im in now and tt include you. heh.

major changes happening ard too. ah! i seriously hate changes cause im afraid. and i know im so going to miss alot of things and alot of ppl. *hugs ):

okay alrights.

new URL again! ha, hannah is the 1st to know i guess. thanks dear, she is such a great help! :D i was browsing thru my past entries in my previous blogs and i chanced upon this entry:

Thursday, September 14, 2006

declared, broken. moulding in process.
*steven curtis chapman
I can see tears filling your eyes
And I know where they're coming from
They're coming from a heart that's broken in two
By what you don't see

I've watched the wind blow hard against you
And I have seen your faith get weakened by the pain
And I want you to know that I will be praying for you
To hold on
Don't let the fire die

The flame has been dimmed by the tears that you cry
But I can still see the spark of His love in your eye
So don't let the fire, please don't let the fire die
This heavy weight you carry around
Of letting yourself and everybody down
Is pouring water on the passion that use to burn so bright

Well I know you've got your reasons for resentment
And I know it's more than I can understand
So just let me say that I am going to be praying for you
To let it all go

JESUS, take it all...


and this is where the url comes abt. sparks of His love. the song "dont let the fire die"- steven curtis chapman has always been something that speaks right to me. (: and looking and reading those past entries, again , i see how i always fall upon God last time and i remembered how comforting it is just knowing that your God will always be there for you, to cry with, laugh with and for you to be loved.

im on this search, for that passionate for God girl i talked about that time. yes, im determined to find her. and i promise i will by His grace! i appreciate every single one of you out there, all the "are you okay?", " what's wrong?" , "wanna talk?" and even the smiles and simple msges. loves(:

lets do some dedications:

mindy! : thanks for talking to me online. (: you are a special sister-in-Christ that God placed in my life too. remb our movie deal?! heee! soon k? ann yes thanks for the box of disney biscuits, its terribly NICE! :D :D we go for some buffet thing soon k? i want to EAT EAT EAT. and like you say, i want to enjoy my holidays!

sarah: (: your presense just mean so much.i love the way you are, not questioning me or asking but just being there.

daryl: im so GLAD you are back! :D love. thankyou for your concern, really! musical later! <3

weisheng: hey. things getting fine ya. (: thanks for being a reminder of God's love. God gives grace to the humble right?remb? hahaa. im glad God brought you back to Himself!

ximin: (: you are just one precious girl in God's eyes.

HANNAH: thanks!!! <<333333333

beryl: i still enjoy taking care of you and being rant at by you. that's love. *hugs*

kor: takecare! changes happen. stay strong.

bigfreak: i love bigfreak! :D :D you are great, really. i love you being ard AT THE TIMES.! :D :D you makes me happy too! bright up my day!

okay now i feel like i just won some star awards. ha. alright. got to go, musical later! thanks daryl. im feeling sleepy. and i getting forgetful. did i just bathe, heh. bummer. okay yongling. the joy of the Lord shall be your strength. hang in there! as always, i know i will pull thru it cause God never let me go.

the storms of life proves the strength of your anchor.