Saturday, April 28, 2007
Take me beyond this ordinary life.
With you I pray my heart will stay.
Take me beyond this ordinary life.
because You are all im living for.
Labels: prasing Jesus thru each trial.
Friday, April 27, 2007
spent the late afternoon at johnson's hostel. haha, its so funny. amazing how everyone likes to sing and how talented they are(((:
i think the night view from his house balcony is really nice! *snap* ((:
okay, school been fine this week. just that i got "C"s for my daily grade. irritating! and im sick the whole day ytd and still is sick now, this nose is really killing me. it gets me so frustrated can! and it really drains me lah. )): but still, im alive lah. quite sick and tired of having to do reflection journal everyday and killing alot of my brain cells during presentation and all. but well, the most fun part is still being with my classmates. they are a crazy bunch of idiots. haha, nah, im kidding ah. *run*
decided not to play floorball today, cos like i said, im sick lah. im so looking forward to flying off soon. i neeeeed a runaway break. haha, just for awhile and of cos genting is something i super super look forward to. i miss those fellowship with you ppl. ):
and i reallyreally seriously want to go on a mission trip this dec. pray hard ! that my mum will allow. and theres a better chance now since she knows sam and kor. ((: but tt still doesnt give me the green light to go ):
time has a habit of slipping away...
Labels: i feeel so much better now (:
Thursday, April 26, 2007
okay, i should blog about knowing Christ has a purpose for me in RP.RP may not be the 1st choice or where you want to be, but look again, see His purpose in store for you. walking ard the campus, im reminded of the campus crusade motto. "...so that everyone in the campus can see someone who truly follows Jesus." this phrase really challenged me to dare proclaim that im a follower of Jesus and His faithfulness in my life. looking ard me, i have not felt that sense of burden and desire to go and do big things for God so strongly for really long. i guess this burden and desire for His people is one that He had placed in my heart even before i knew i will go RP. in all situations, His ways are always higher. shout outs:HANNAH: thanks for those priceless photos dear ((:MP: hey, catch up sooooooooooon. jiayou at work k .OLD MAN: lols, thanks for all those reminders. it helps! BERYL: ((: thanks, God sees that heart.WEIJIE: you freak! hahahahaha, you freak. always disturbs me, *slap* haha, you nonsense freak, makes me laugh so much! (((((:letting go, cos all these wasnt mine to hold.
i know it full well, (:
Labels: man tooo., things changes
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
my endless plain *
take a step slower, and look ard you. life can be beautiful;
this is taken from the bus stop downstairs my house.
Labels: when its time to go, you should let me go away.
Monday, April 23, 2007
MONDAY BLUES ))):haha, faizal and fanni and me was talking abt love sick today, bummer.today was pretty cool, went to school cafe with few of my classmates today. and we really cant stop laughing lah! man, johnson's friend sing really well ((:
haha, thats fiz. better dont let her know i post this, she will kill me lah. HAHA xD but she's a really funny and crappy and crazy felllow. 
and thats her specs im wearing, haha. think its pretty cool lah, haha. but well, i really laugh quite abit today at the cafe, nonsense classmates, ever so fun-loving!
man, i got a priceless video, but i couldnt upload it! ah )): its on how johnson admit that he's a gay! haha :D and you should look at the way he say it, and he pose! with a twist. and seeing how we laugh like mad. ((: but yah lah, what he meant was happy, gay=happy. better clarify here, if not he will kill me too, haha
alrights, short post for a short laughing day. thanks peeeps :D
somethings are better left unsaid, i know it myself. ((((:
Labels: surrendering when im called to.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Hungry, I come to You for I know You satisfy.
I am emptybut I know Your Love does not run dry.
So I wait for youand I wait for you
I’m falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus, You’re all this heart is living forBroken I run to You for Your arms are opened wide.
I am weary, but I know Your touch restores my life.
So I wait for you, and I wait for youi dont know... but ive been wanting to have my passion renew. and there have been issues in my life that God wants me to let go and surrender, surrender fully.And coming to realise that this life im living is not abt me, not abt my relationships with others, not abt how i feel, not abt whats going on in my life, not abt my struggles with ppl and God,but its abt glorifying God. its about God. yes, its so much easier said then done, this christian life, nothing i can never be in control of. i guess the harder part is always surrendering to God something impt and something that ive always thought that i could deal with and be in control of. of cos, times when i just sturbbornly and foolishly want things my way and believing that thats the best for me. but most of times thats not always the case, cos God's ways are not mine, and of cos, His ways are better, always. A thousand times ive failedstill your mercy remains. Your cross before my eyes.Labels: what if all the things i used to hold onto are gone.
Friday, April 20, 2007
anyway, im so screwed for today lesson, whatever. ))))))):
school getting better i hope. one thing i really thank God for is my class, some thing i couldnt control/ choose. they are really fun ppl, and we can just laugh the whole day. life's much better with laughter and being caught up with lots of work.
went ltp today.passion.
and i told some of you before that i realised my passion, okay more of like ministry is more for older ppl actually, more then children. and perhaps children ministry are just somewhere i enjoy serving but its not my passion.
talked to sam a little today. and i must say i really enjoy just spending time with him. time flies and ive been with him in cg for 5 years. been under his leadership and once again i believe we learnt alot from each other. one relationship im ever thankful for. THANKYOU SAM, alot. for just being yourself.
captain's ball tmr at 10am-12pm.
SFC, thanks so much for all the effort put in for events and lets keep having that passion for evangelism yah.
okay, this is a pretty random post, cos im just thinking aloud. so pardon me pls((:
Labels: face it, it over ((: - smile when i need to
Thursday, April 19, 2007
"love isnt about the words we saythe actions we take
the things we do
the hearts we break.
Its about people who can look at each other and just know"
got this from ximin's phone and thought it was really in a way cool (:
had ag dinner just now.
God's good, still is.
im comforted just knowing that God sees everything when human can't see it all.
Be my defender.
Labels: i know you are happy ((:
had tuition at Jabez house ytd, my gosh, i really love this little loveable princess man! 
she really makes my day. she will come running to me and says " i want take photos!, jie jie!, i want draw, jie jie, read to me!" and she really come running to hug you. she really knows how to pose with style haha. and the best part is she really prays with her heart. she melts my heart.
when she prays and say grace for her food, i really can see her sincerity and joy as a child basking in the love of her heavenly Daddy. that reminds me of that kind of child-like faith we had.
oh anyway, presentation today was bad and i really hate this module! ): ): i had choc today! thanks peeeps :D :D and thanks for the sandwiches. and the many companion online during boring lessonss. (:
school will get "funner!"
Labels: when letting go and holding on isnt a choice
Monday, April 16, 2007
first day of school was good today, super crowded and all but everything was good.
thank God that i met leonard and mervin for lunch! it was great and im glad i bumped into qiuyun too!
done my reflection journal and evaluations at the woodlands library just now. online is part of my life now, haha, its a everyday thing. and somehow, im getting independent to it now. presentation was good today too, kinda enjoyed myself too :D
alrights, a short post before i sleep, and get ready for another chapter of life tmr!
oh and i can infra-red pics to my laptop from my phone! (:
this pic is my ever ever beloved. it reminds me of alot of things and this item is something i hold closely to me all the times! my key's keychain (: the times i mug for Olevels(cafe, pool, companion...) , the wonderful badge from my wonderful kor, the prettychain from ximin, the nice 'made in heaven' badge! ive learn to be much more obedient to Christ and stop myself from knocking into the wall so many times. and still, i miss it all, all (:
nights, everyone of you.
Labels: ive been the same.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
played floorball in church today. was great and finally some running. met yokeyee for dinner at newton and we really eat ALOT! just wondering abt what it means to have it all. i think im somone who knows what it means to have it all and what it means to lose it all. i dont know, its a weird experience and definately, God gives and He takes away. i used to have almost everything i needed, and i think God needs to break me down so that i know that all these comes from Him alone and even my ministry is not mine, but His. and surrendering to Him all the aspects of my life is really important, including those valued relationships that i sturbborn-ly refuse to let go, ...i had to. and i believe one day God will bring restoration to those relationships and hurts.i believe, and i know You are always there. the promise of a life time.i promise you the answer will come.everything, beautiful, in His time.hannah: you cant imagine how much i enjoy laughing and just being with you! :DMP: ! hey, thanks for everytthing man, im always assured by you man, thanks.weisheng: hey, (: thanks so much. im thankful for the way you choose to focus on Jesus, you can do it.amanda: hey, know you been studying hard, hold on, and move on with Christ k.im really really sorry, i know ive been cold.Labels: alot, i still care
Saturday, April 14, 2007
today was a funny day, so many things happened. and it was a extremely tired day. i had migraine the whole day. and i mean seriously the whole day. bad feeling anyways. even now im still having migraine. sarah doing work at my place, and she's sick too. pray for her (:time flies, and im starting school on monday. im quite excited yet not, i dont know. its really an entirely different system from what i used to be in, but in alot of ways, i think its good for me cos it will definately train me to be more independent than now. im so looking forward to that more independent me. th stupid migraine is really killing me.okay last thing, i hope all of us will place all pride aside and with His love choose to decide to forgive. its from a a song, and i really like that song, it speaks alot to me. pride is such a real thing.and somehow i felt, we should get rid of it and come into God's presence with humility. yongling cont to love, becos Jesus loves, even to the cross.Labels: i know i hurt you alot., im sorry
Thursday, April 12, 2007
i miss eating honey crabs! i miss going to VIVOcity!i miss going to NUS!
i miss eating at marina square! i miss eating hazelnut ice cream!i miss those random dinner/lunch we had!i miss those companion and friendships! i miss laughing with the whole lot of you.i miss talking with the whole lot of you.i miss studying with the whole lot of you. you know sometimes we just have to come to realise that some things can only remain in our memories :) and its good enough. im glad that i can say i miss them cos i once had them :Dand as we move on and look to Jesus, new things happen and there will be new memories too. and we can always draw strength from Christ, the One who truly never stop loving. music really influences my mind man, sad songs makes you start thinking and get pretty depressed, but happy songs have another effect. but somehow i think sad songs have a greater impact.yongling needs to have more self-confidence. (: becos my strength and confidence is in Christ alone. becos God sees what i struggle and how hard i try, i will try even harder and seeing Him moulding me shall always be a joyful process. In Jesus name i pray that, "while i live i will praise the Lord; i will sing praises to my God while i have my being."- psalm 146:2 becos He alone deserves it all, Lord help me to turn to You under all circumstances and situations, and take me as You find me. thankyou Lord that a broken and contrite heart you will not despise. i will cont to struggle, but i will struggle with hope in Christ, be my everything.with the love and grace of God, we will carry on.Labels: cos all these wasnt mine to hold., letting go
republic republic, we'r cool, we'r coolrepublic republic, we rule, we rule...republic republic one dream one dreamhaha, the whole cheer thing been stuck in my mind for like the whole day lah . today was pretty fine, just super tiring, super. praying for a purpose-full life in republic. had tuition with marc today too. okay, i need to go sleep soon, been having serious migraine. i think i probably die of brain tumor or something soon. not intending to go school tmr anyways, too tired and i want to go ltp tmr night (: and there's youth EE this sat, cool cool. and SFC meeting too!i really love the sentence-a distance that was felt, a distance i couldnt run.garry (: or ratherthe distance that was felt, a distance i couldnt run.thanks garry (: letting go, cos all these wasnt mine to hold.Labels: becos i really care.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
The Answer For A Guilty Conscience
Hebrews 9:1414"How much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself without spot to God, cleanse your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?"i want to be dwelling in the richness of His grace.Lord, cleanse me once again with th blood of Christ.thankyou Jesus for saving me when i couldnt save myself.my cg. they still rocks and i still really miss them, they are all super busy and we havent been able to meet up, but im still looking forward to cg outing two weeks later! (: and sam been really busy and sick, you are in my prayers alrights? miss meeting up with you, really.jessica having exams soon! jiayou ya? lovelove. farand! haha, (: you are doing better then better, press on. sfc.im glad things are getting better and i really want to thank God for Jabez. im thankful for the fact that i can talk to Jabez, about ministry and sometimes about my life. sfc, more to come and more to endure and learn and im sure we will grow together! (: remb sat's meeting! pray sports evangelism.NLT.man, im so looking forward to the next session. (: i know ive alot more to learn and alot more to surrender to Christ. alot morerelationships.ha, this part of it, no one will understand what i have to say. haha, but its fine. cos all i need to know now is tt Jesus sees and He knows those struggles. and those times when i fight and refuse to let go till i realised i really need to. i know things will be better for all when Christ takes over. letting go, cos all those wasnt mine to hold. just a short post before i rush off for RP orientation now. God's in control and i want to thak Him for that.no matter how hard i try, i cant do it. Lord, help me to focus on You alone and entrusting all those valued relationships into Your healing hands.Labels: Jesus, take it all.
okay, i seriously dont know what to blog about. cos i seriously dont want to blog about orientation, just wasnt fanstatic, but thank God for it still. *
yongling*slaps, wake up! better dont start dreading school before it even starts k. and i thank God for the online people who is talking to me now, which definately encourages me lots! garry and wong. jessica, wong been really encouraging and funny, hahas :D yes, the road in front of us are never easy but we have God to rely on, amen to that wong! and yes, he's modern, heh. *
you know, i have been thinking about the issue of comparing. like sometimes i know i dont like to compare and to be compared, but in a way, no matter how hard i try to not compare, i find myself in the end feeling "small" and inferior comparing to some others. i want to trust God for more love and joy man, really. i hate feelings! yucks and when you start thinking too much, life just doesnt makes sense anymore. i can survive just because Christ is for me, no one can be against me. and i dont need to rely on anyone anymore. *
letting go aint easy, but God has been good. alot of grace which keeps me going and focusing on other more important things and constantly reminding me about how everything will be beautiful in His time. people change, God never will. i hate changes, but yah, who likes? a big part of my life had changed and im learning to adapt to new environment and of cos adapting to the fact that im alone in these(in a way, i know you ppl are walking with me. but i need to walk out of it myself) and i need to be independent, cos ppl change. *
and yes, orientation tmr again, more of games and people. RP's fine lah, just that i dont really like the whole online based thing system cos it is really not very good. and im slowly starting to see why im placed there and all, God, help me love RP! *
im letting gobecos all that wasnt mine to holdand i hope deep down you knowthat all i want is to move on and let it go*
In His time, we'll seehow beautiful things could berather then, insisting it my wayi want to trust things to unfold in His ways.*
becos Christ nv stop loving, yongling wont stop loving. Labels: take me as You find me
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
after so long of holidays, working, slacking, im finally starting school officially.
orientation tmr! okay, i been whining the whole day abt orientation tmr today, haha. but maybe there's cause i really need to whine abt it! heh.
*
i thank God for this long break that i had, working and doing alot more stuff and of cos spending time with some people (: when school starts, im not very sure what and how it will be. its pretty exciting, tt i know. the next step of life, seeing how God will continue to unfold His purpose in my life.
*
this period of break, i spent time with people that i havent really talked to for a really long time and of cos i sort more things out.
*
caleb leng: man, i really praise God for more time spent this holiday! haha, remb the times in EYC and all. thanks for that effort and time spent. God has always been more than good, press on. i enjoy laughing and talking to you, always always look to Christ (:
joshua: hey :D :D thanks, for all those joys you brought into my life. for constantly reminding me that i was never alone and that i have brothers like you and God ard for me. keep serving, keep growing and keep loving.
raymund: hey, i see those effort and yes, serving is never easy and esp being a servant leader, hang in there. Christ will cont to be in the centre of all.
sulwyn: thanks, for listening and willing to talk more now. we struggle along the way but Christ is the One we want to live our lives for. broken down to be lifted up again, forget to heal the pain, give up our rights to get even, remb?
beryl: this holiday has been great with you too, girl. the silly things we do and laugh at. a friendship i will never stop thanking God for. keep growing too ya? God has a great plan for you, for your family, for your cg and your ministry.
hannah: of cos, more photos and more laughters dear. and more tags and love.
val: what more can i say? you are one girl that never stop making me laugh throughout my break these months. you press on okay? you too, are never alone.
mervin: hey, thanks for the times that you are always so willing to accompany me to school and all. and for the times when your presence without words are just enough. :)
daryl: this holiday wont end beautiful without a dinner with you.
*
and of cos, i spent a little more time talking more to amanda, jie, farand, jess, garry, yoke yee and shern and some others. and i thank God once again for this new start tmr and for more exciting journey ahead. of cos there are still some ppl i have yet to talk to but i trust God for His time and His plan to continue to unfold and love to continue to flow and forgiveness to heal.
*
a great break, with joy and of course hurts to deal with and pain to surrender. too many things had happened that i cant blog abt. too many feelings that are indescrible, too many emotions that are not explainable, too much pain to talk abt forgiveness, too much tears to talk abt trust. but much love from Jesus makes me cant stop going on, and makes me keep on trusting, loving and forgiving His people.
*
yongling is learning and still is
the promise stays
Jesus knows me fully
love that God intends is not possessive
Labels: hold me into your heart., Jesus
Monday, April 09, 2007
love that God intends is not possessive.
yongling will never stop smiling and loving.
one more day to RP orientation.
Labels: can i stay for awhile., what a beautiful smile
Friday, April 06, 2007
for when all things fade away and changes
i still have my memories, that will stay.
i have my reasons.
Labels: cos i liked the view, i thought you felt it too.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
different
in personalities
in character
-
indeed, it takes alot to be a leader. in the show "barn yard", someone said, a leader is someone who cares. there is alot of different leadership style too, everyone leads and serve differently.and sometimes i wondered, how much is enough? how do we define whether we care enough, whether we tried our best? how much is enough?
*
have you come to a place/church, when you felt tt no one notice you, no one cares? no one sees what you are doing? no one appreciates?
*
"i dont feel cared for enough"
"i dont really feel welcome"
"i dont think ppl try hard enough to talk to and reach out to me"
"i dont have a sense of belonging here/there. "
"i dont think...."
does all these sounds familiar?
*
i guess alot of us have gone thru that phase of life. and after that, when we are more stable and all, look back. think. for those leaders and ppl who have stood by you thru that. how many times have they been discouraged by those questions and words?
*
its indeed pretty discouraging and im sure alot of them [of course they are glad by those heartfelt sharing] went back and wondered to themselves, have i really tried hard enough?and im sure along those periods, they probably have got lots of frustrations and disappointments, with others and of course with themselves.
*
as i look back and think, i felt that there's one very impt question for ourselves, (those who are feeling like this, in a way, im sure many of us are, whether we say it / not.) have we ourselves in the first place tried? try to make a difference, in our lives and in others.
*
i read a book and that one sentence jumps out at me. when your QT becomes inconsistent, its the begining of your backslide journey. somehow, i think its a reminder from God to keep my path with Him right. sometimes im just so busy doing His work and my work and sub-consciously, i had neglected the One who sees it all. And somewhat, i think its God reminder to all of you too, satan can get us so busy with work and all that we spend lesser time praying, reading His word and being in His presence, the work we are doing can also be ministry work.
*
i guess when our walk with God is not constant, we will start to complain more in a way and slowly and surely, you see yourself heading nowhere and away from church and all. to me, i think its a choice, to decide to come back or go away. you know something? we can be on that run from God forever, forever, but we can never hide from God. He sees where we are, He sees what we feel and He knows why we are running even when sometimes we dont even know. As much as you will not agree, our God sees where you are right now, He sees right thru you into your heart. He knows that pain and hurt and even anger in you, and He knows the reason behind all these.
*
He's our Father, all He wants is our trust and obedience. hear Him say " come back, my child" today. im pretty sure it hurts Him alot when we hurt, when we choose to turn away. this is something that im learning to hold onto and let that truth of God cares deeply sinks in my heart.
*
hear Him ask, and hear Him say
Oh heart of mine, why must you stray?
Oh heart of mine, come back home...
just as you are
*
some shouts out:
FARAND: hey. :D you have been doing great with us, this new cg. and i can never be thankful enough for all your effort to do so much :)
JOSHUA: (: you are simply wonderful lah, i seriously thank God for the lengs and for always sending me encouragement thru you (:
RAYS: hey sorry abt sunday, i know you was quite pissed, but i really din want to go so far at a late afternoon, wells.
GARRY: wei, working life is diff ah, haha. thanks for all your reminders really. and i assure you that i see your effort to talk in cg and all. stand firm in the Christ ALONE.
MP: what else to say? haha, rock on,partner :D
HANNAH&AMANDA: ah, i love you/s :D friday! <33333333.
Labels: be different for God
i dont know why.
but today, time seems to pass very slowly.
letting this season pass seems like its taking forever.
*
i dont know why.
but recently, things feel abit different.
some things are good to have a change
but some i rather they stay the same.
love is something that comes from God
love is patient, love is kind.
perfect love drives out fear
you cant see, but im trying. maybe time really has a habit of slipping away...
Labels: i dont know y.
Sunday, April 01, 2007
*everything in its time-corinne may
Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead
How long till my hunger is fed
They say it's hard to make it in this part of town
So many people on this merry-go-round
*
Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer, To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and I try to pray
In the silence I can hear Him say
*
The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time
*
I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe
*
'cause maybe there's another plan
One I still can't see
A little surprise, like your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see
Labels: BEAUTIFUL IN HIS TIME.
i love this pic alot, yellow, my ever happy colour. love alot alot. LOVES
-
you know while helping others and all, i realised i answered alot of those questions and questions i never knew what to say abt when others asked me. again, i gonna say, insecurites is such a real thing and its something tt the devil always use to discourage me and all the times, he succeeded.
-
looking back at those past 5months, its alot abt learning more of myself and of course accepting others and myself. and realising the fact that Christ love everyone the same. its been a struggle for me cos i can nv understand why God loves us the same, cos being humans, we are all so self-centered. and sometimes i asked God, why cant He loves me more cos im hurting so badly.
-
been not wanting to think alot recently, cos i want to choose not to, haha, maybe cos thinking really drains me and my thoughts are not all very nice eh. cos thinking too much, hurts too.
-
okay, im really deciding to be happier. cos i know being happy is a choice, a decision that i have to choose to make myself. and abt letting go...i . i m trying. as much as i seriously dont want to, i know God can use me more when i chose to surrender and move on. :) He will makes things better.
-
the pic above, i love it alot. really alot, i did it, i sent it, i received it. its yellow, YELLOW is my happy colour :D and lots of smiles, i want to too. love.love.love.love.
-
was thinking of leadership. and it just cross my mind abt how alot of times, we think that we always gives and gives to the younger ones. but think abt it, i think younger ones gives too, arent we sometimes get encouraged by them too? sometimes i feel exclusive from leaders, i dont know why, haha. wells.
-
been sharing with some of you all abit abt my life and struggles recently. its encouraging in a way to always know that im not struggling alone, and God been moulding me. and im running to a God that is my saviour, a God who loves me. okay, yongling will keep that in mind.
-
because God forgives, i can
because God loves, i can too even when it hurts
whatever that doesnt break me, makes me stronger.
Labels: miss eating ice cream., yongling loves hazelnut
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Take me beyond this ordinary life.
With you I pray my heart will stay.
Take me beyond this ordinary life.
because You are all im living for.
Labels: prasing Jesus thru each trial.
Friday, April 27, 2007
spent the late afternoon at johnson's hostel. haha, its so funny. amazing how everyone likes to sing and how talented they are(((:
i think the night view from his house balcony is really nice! *snap* ((:
okay, school been fine this week. just that i got "C"s for my daily grade. irritating! and im sick the whole day ytd and still is sick now, this nose is really killing me. it gets me so frustrated can! and it really drains me lah. )): but still, im alive lah. quite sick and tired of having to do reflection journal everyday and killing alot of my brain cells during presentation and all. but well, the most fun part is still being with my classmates. they are a crazy bunch of idiots. haha, nah, im kidding ah. *run*
decided not to play floorball today, cos like i said, im sick lah. im so looking forward to flying off soon. i neeeeed a runaway break. haha, just for awhile and of cos genting is something i super super look forward to. i miss those fellowship with you ppl. ):
and i reallyreally seriously want to go on a mission trip this dec. pray hard ! that my mum will allow. and theres a better chance now since she knows sam and kor. ((: but tt still doesnt give me the green light to go ):
time has a habit of slipping away...
Labels: i feeel so much better now (:
Thursday, April 26, 2007
okay, i should blog about knowing Christ has a purpose for me in RP.RP may not be the 1st choice or where you want to be, but look again, see His purpose in store for you. walking ard the campus, im reminded of the campus crusade motto. "...so that everyone in the campus can see someone who truly follows Jesus." this phrase really challenged me to dare proclaim that im a follower of Jesus and His faithfulness in my life. looking ard me, i have not felt that sense of burden and desire to go and do big things for God so strongly for really long. i guess this burden and desire for His people is one that He had placed in my heart even before i knew i will go RP. in all situations, His ways are always higher. shout outs:HANNAH: thanks for those priceless photos dear ((:MP: hey, catch up sooooooooooon. jiayou at work k .OLD MAN: lols, thanks for all those reminders. it helps! BERYL: ((: thanks, God sees that heart.WEIJIE: you freak! hahahahaha, you freak. always disturbs me, *slap* haha, you nonsense freak, makes me laugh so much! (((((:letting go, cos all these wasnt mine to hold.
i know it full well, (:
Labels: man tooo., things changes
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
my endless plain *
take a step slower, and look ard you. life can be beautiful;
this is taken from the bus stop downstairs my house.
Labels: when its time to go, you should let me go away.
Monday, April 23, 2007
MONDAY BLUES ))):haha, faizal and fanni and me was talking abt love sick today, bummer.today was pretty cool, went to school cafe with few of my classmates today. and we really cant stop laughing lah! man, johnson's friend sing really well ((:
haha, thats fiz. better dont let her know i post this, she will kill me lah. HAHA xD but she's a really funny and crappy and crazy felllow.
and thats her specs im wearing, haha. think its pretty cool lah, haha. but well, i really laugh quite abit today at the cafe, nonsense classmates, ever so fun-loving!
man, i got a priceless video, but i couldnt upload it! ah )): its on how johnson admit that he's a gay! haha :D and you should look at the way he say it, and he pose! with a twist. and seeing how we laugh like mad. ((: but yah lah, what he meant was happy, gay=happy. better clarify here, if not he will kill me too, haha
alrights, short post for a short laughing day. thanks peeeps :D
somethings are better left unsaid, i know it myself. ((((:
Labels: surrendering when im called to.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Hungry, I come to You for I know You satisfy.
I am emptybut I know Your Love does not run dry.
So I wait for youand I wait for you
I’m falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus, You’re all this heart is living forBroken I run to You for Your arms are opened wide.
I am weary, but I know Your touch restores my life.
So I wait for you, and I wait for youi dont know... but ive been wanting to have my passion renew. and there have been issues in my life that God wants me to let go and surrender, surrender fully.And coming to realise that this life im living is not abt me, not abt my relationships with others, not abt how i feel, not abt whats going on in my life, not abt my struggles with ppl and God,but its abt glorifying God. its about God. yes, its so much easier said then done, this christian life, nothing i can never be in control of. i guess the harder part is always surrendering to God something impt and something that ive always thought that i could deal with and be in control of. of cos, times when i just sturbbornly and foolishly want things my way and believing that thats the best for me. but most of times thats not always the case, cos God's ways are not mine, and of cos, His ways are better, always. A thousand times ive failedstill your mercy remains. Your cross before my eyes.Labels: what if all the things i used to hold onto are gone.
Friday, April 20, 2007
anyway, im so screwed for today lesson, whatever. ))))))):
school getting better i hope. one thing i really thank God for is my class, some thing i couldnt control/ choose. they are really fun ppl, and we can just laugh the whole day. life's much better with laughter and being caught up with lots of work.
went ltp today.passion.
and i told some of you before that i realised my passion, okay more of like ministry is more for older ppl actually, more then children. and perhaps children ministry are just somewhere i enjoy serving but its not my passion.
talked to sam a little today. and i must say i really enjoy just spending time with him. time flies and ive been with him in cg for 5 years. been under his leadership and once again i believe we learnt alot from each other. one relationship im ever thankful for. THANKYOU SAM, alot. for just being yourself.
captain's ball tmr at 10am-12pm.
SFC, thanks so much for all the effort put in for events and lets keep having that passion for evangelism yah.
okay, this is a pretty random post, cos im just thinking aloud. so pardon me pls((:
Labels: face it, it over ((: - smile when i need to
Thursday, April 19, 2007
"love isnt about the words we saythe actions we take
the things we do
the hearts we break.
Its about people who can look at each other and just know"
got this from ximin's phone and thought it was really in a way cool (:
had ag dinner just now.
God's good, still is.
im comforted just knowing that God sees everything when human can't see it all.
Be my defender.
Labels: i know you are happy ((:
had tuition at Jabez house ytd, my gosh, i really love this little loveable princess man!
she really makes my day. she will come running to me and says " i want take photos!, jie jie!, i want draw, jie jie, read to me!" and she really come running to hug you. she really knows how to pose with style haha. and the best part is she really prays with her heart. she melts my heart.
when she prays and say grace for her food, i really can see her sincerity and joy as a child basking in the love of her heavenly Daddy. that reminds me of that kind of child-like faith we had.
oh anyway, presentation today was bad and i really hate this module! ): ): i had choc today! thanks peeeps :D :D and thanks for the sandwiches. and the many companion online during boring lessonss. (:
school will get "funner!"
Labels: when letting go and holding on isnt a choice
Monday, April 16, 2007
first day of school was good today, super crowded and all but everything was good.
thank God that i met leonard and mervin for lunch! it was great and im glad i bumped into qiuyun too!
done my reflection journal and evaluations at the woodlands library just now. online is part of my life now, haha, its a everyday thing. and somehow, im getting independent to it now. presentation was good today too, kinda enjoyed myself too :D
alrights, a short post before i sleep, and get ready for another chapter of life tmr!
oh and i can infra-red pics to my laptop from my phone! (:
this pic is my ever ever beloved. it reminds me of alot of things and this item is something i hold closely to me all the times! my key's keychain (: the times i mug for Olevels(cafe, pool, companion...) , the wonderful badge from my wonderful kor, the prettychain from ximin, the nice 'made in heaven' badge! ive learn to be much more obedient to Christ and stop myself from knocking into the wall so many times. and still, i miss it all, all (:
nights, everyone of you.
Labels: ive been the same.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
played floorball in church today. was great and finally some running. met yokeyee for dinner at newton and we really eat ALOT! just wondering abt what it means to have it all. i think im somone who knows what it means to have it all and what it means to lose it all. i dont know, its a weird experience and definately, God gives and He takes away. i used to have almost everything i needed, and i think God needs to break me down so that i know that all these comes from Him alone and even my ministry is not mine, but His. and surrendering to Him all the aspects of my life is really important, including those valued relationships that i sturbborn-ly refuse to let go, ...i had to. and i believe one day God will bring restoration to those relationships and hurts.i believe, and i know You are always there. the promise of a life time.i promise you the answer will come.everything, beautiful, in His time.hannah: you cant imagine how much i enjoy laughing and just being with you! :DMP: ! hey, thanks for everytthing man, im always assured by you man, thanks.weisheng: hey, (: thanks so much. im thankful for the way you choose to focus on Jesus, you can do it.amanda: hey, know you been studying hard, hold on, and move on with Christ k.im really really sorry, i know ive been cold.Labels: alot, i still care
Saturday, April 14, 2007
today was a funny day, so many things happened. and it was a extremely tired day. i had migraine the whole day. and i mean seriously the whole day. bad feeling anyways. even now im still having migraine. sarah doing work at my place, and she's sick too. pray for her (:time flies, and im starting school on monday. im quite excited yet not, i dont know. its really an entirely different system from what i used to be in, but in alot of ways, i think its good for me cos it will definately train me to be more independent than now. im so looking forward to that more independent me. th stupid migraine is really killing me.okay last thing, i hope all of us will place all pride aside and with His love choose to decide to forgive. its from a a song, and i really like that song, it speaks alot to me. pride is such a real thing.and somehow i felt, we should get rid of it and come into God's presence with humility. yongling cont to love, becos Jesus loves, even to the cross.Labels: i know i hurt you alot., im sorry
Thursday, April 12, 2007
i miss eating honey crabs! i miss going to VIVOcity!i miss going to NUS!
i miss eating at marina square! i miss eating hazelnut ice cream!i miss those random dinner/lunch we had!i miss those companion and friendships! i miss laughing with the whole lot of you.i miss talking with the whole lot of you.i miss studying with the whole lot of you. you know sometimes we just have to come to realise that some things can only remain in our memories :) and its good enough. im glad that i can say i miss them cos i once had them :Dand as we move on and look to Jesus, new things happen and there will be new memories too. and we can always draw strength from Christ, the One who truly never stop loving. music really influences my mind man, sad songs makes you start thinking and get pretty depressed, but happy songs have another effect. but somehow i think sad songs have a greater impact.yongling needs to have more self-confidence. (: becos my strength and confidence is in Christ alone. becos God sees what i struggle and how hard i try, i will try even harder and seeing Him moulding me shall always be a joyful process. In Jesus name i pray that, "while i live i will praise the Lord; i will sing praises to my God while i have my being."- psalm 146:2 becos He alone deserves it all, Lord help me to turn to You under all circumstances and situations, and take me as You find me. thankyou Lord that a broken and contrite heart you will not despise. i will cont to struggle, but i will struggle with hope in Christ, be my everything.with the love and grace of God, we will carry on.Labels: cos all these wasnt mine to hold., letting go
republic republic, we'r cool, we'r coolrepublic republic, we rule, we rule...republic republic one dream one dreamhaha, the whole cheer thing been stuck in my mind for like the whole day lah . today was pretty fine, just super tiring, super. praying for a purpose-full life in republic. had tuition with marc today too. okay, i need to go sleep soon, been having serious migraine. i think i probably die of brain tumor or something soon. not intending to go school tmr anyways, too tired and i want to go ltp tmr night (: and there's youth EE this sat, cool cool. and SFC meeting too!i really love the sentence-a distance that was felt, a distance i couldnt run.garry (: or ratherthe distance that was felt, a distance i couldnt run.thanks garry (: letting go, cos all these wasnt mine to hold.Labels: becos i really care.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
The Answer For A Guilty Conscience
Hebrews 9:1414"How much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself without spot to God, cleanse your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?"i want to be dwelling in the richness of His grace.Lord, cleanse me once again with th blood of Christ.thankyou Jesus for saving me when i couldnt save myself.my cg. they still rocks and i still really miss them, they are all super busy and we havent been able to meet up, but im still looking forward to cg outing two weeks later! (: and sam been really busy and sick, you are in my prayers alrights? miss meeting up with you, really.jessica having exams soon! jiayou ya? lovelove. farand! haha, (: you are doing better then better, press on. sfc.im glad things are getting better and i really want to thank God for Jabez. im thankful for the fact that i can talk to Jabez, about ministry and sometimes about my life. sfc, more to come and more to endure and learn and im sure we will grow together! (: remb sat's meeting! pray sports evangelism.NLT.man, im so looking forward to the next session. (: i know ive alot more to learn and alot more to surrender to Christ. alot morerelationships.ha, this part of it, no one will understand what i have to say. haha, but its fine. cos all i need to know now is tt Jesus sees and He knows those struggles. and those times when i fight and refuse to let go till i realised i really need to. i know things will be better for all when Christ takes over. letting go, cos all those wasnt mine to hold. just a short post before i rush off for RP orientation now. God's in control and i want to thak Him for that.no matter how hard i try, i cant do it. Lord, help me to focus on You alone and entrusting all those valued relationships into Your healing hands.Labels: Jesus, take it all.
okay, i seriously dont know what to blog about. cos i seriously dont want to blog about orientation, just wasnt fanstatic, but thank God for it still. *
yongling*slaps, wake up! better dont start dreading school before it even starts k. and i thank God for the online people who is talking to me now, which definately encourages me lots! garry and wong. jessica, wong been really encouraging and funny, hahas :D yes, the road in front of us are never easy but we have God to rely on, amen to that wong! and yes, he's modern, heh. *
you know, i have been thinking about the issue of comparing. like sometimes i know i dont like to compare and to be compared, but in a way, no matter how hard i try to not compare, i find myself in the end feeling "small" and inferior comparing to some others. i want to trust God for more love and joy man, really. i hate feelings! yucks and when you start thinking too much, life just doesnt makes sense anymore. i can survive just because Christ is for me, no one can be against me. and i dont need to rely on anyone anymore. *
letting go aint easy, but God has been good. alot of grace which keeps me going and focusing on other more important things and constantly reminding me about how everything will be beautiful in His time. people change, God never will. i hate changes, but yah, who likes? a big part of my life had changed and im learning to adapt to new environment and of cos adapting to the fact that im alone in these(in a way, i know you ppl are walking with me. but i need to walk out of it myself) and i need to be independent, cos ppl change. *
and yes, orientation tmr again, more of games and people. RP's fine lah, just that i dont really like the whole online based thing system cos it is really not very good. and im slowly starting to see why im placed there and all, God, help me love RP! *
im letting gobecos all that wasnt mine to holdand i hope deep down you knowthat all i want is to move on and let it go*
In His time, we'll seehow beautiful things could berather then, insisting it my wayi want to trust things to unfold in His ways.*
becos Christ nv stop loving, yongling wont stop loving. Labels: take me as You find me
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
after so long of holidays, working, slacking, im finally starting school officially.
orientation tmr! okay, i been whining the whole day abt orientation tmr today, haha. but maybe there's cause i really need to whine abt it! heh.
*
i thank God for this long break that i had, working and doing alot more stuff and of cos spending time with some people (: when school starts, im not very sure what and how it will be. its pretty exciting, tt i know. the next step of life, seeing how God will continue to unfold His purpose in my life.
*
this period of break, i spent time with people that i havent really talked to for a really long time and of cos i sort more things out.
*
caleb leng: man, i really praise God for more time spent this holiday! haha, remb the times in EYC and all. thanks for that effort and time spent. God has always been more than good, press on. i enjoy laughing and talking to you, always always look to Christ (:
joshua: hey :D :D thanks, for all those joys you brought into my life. for constantly reminding me that i was never alone and that i have brothers like you and God ard for me. keep serving, keep growing and keep loving.
raymund: hey, i see those effort and yes, serving is never easy and esp being a servant leader, hang in there. Christ will cont to be in the centre of all.
sulwyn: thanks, for listening and willing to talk more now. we struggle along the way but Christ is the One we want to live our lives for. broken down to be lifted up again, forget to heal the pain, give up our rights to get even, remb?
beryl: this holiday has been great with you too, girl. the silly things we do and laugh at. a friendship i will never stop thanking God for. keep growing too ya? God has a great plan for you, for your family, for your cg and your ministry.
hannah: of cos, more photos and more laughters dear. and more tags and love.
val: what more can i say? you are one girl that never stop making me laugh throughout my break these months. you press on okay? you too, are never alone.
mervin: hey, thanks for the times that you are always so willing to accompany me to school and all. and for the times when your presence without words are just enough. :)
daryl: this holiday wont end beautiful without a dinner with you.
*
and of cos, i spent a little more time talking more to amanda, jie, farand, jess, garry, yoke yee and shern and some others. and i thank God once again for this new start tmr and for more exciting journey ahead. of cos there are still some ppl i have yet to talk to but i trust God for His time and His plan to continue to unfold and love to continue to flow and forgiveness to heal.
*
a great break, with joy and of course hurts to deal with and pain to surrender. too many things had happened that i cant blog abt. too many feelings that are indescrible, too many emotions that are not explainable, too much pain to talk abt forgiveness, too much tears to talk abt trust. but much love from Jesus makes me cant stop going on, and makes me keep on trusting, loving and forgiving His people.
*
yongling is learning and still is
the promise stays
Jesus knows me fully
love that God intends is not possessive
Labels: hold me into your heart., Jesus
Monday, April 09, 2007
love that God intends is not possessive.
yongling will never stop smiling and loving.
one more day to RP orientation.
Labels: can i stay for awhile., what a beautiful smile
Friday, April 06, 2007
for when all things fade away and changes
i still have my memories, that will stay.
i have my reasons.
Labels: cos i liked the view, i thought you felt it too.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
different
in personalities
in character
-
indeed, it takes alot to be a leader. in the show "barn yard", someone said, a leader is someone who cares. there is alot of different leadership style too, everyone leads and serve differently.and sometimes i wondered, how much is enough? how do we define whether we care enough, whether we tried our best? how much is enough?
*
have you come to a place/church, when you felt tt no one notice you, no one cares? no one sees what you are doing? no one appreciates?
*
"i dont feel cared for enough"
"i dont really feel welcome"
"i dont think ppl try hard enough to talk to and reach out to me"
"i dont have a sense of belonging here/there. "
"i dont think...."
does all these sounds familiar?
*
i guess alot of us have gone thru that phase of life. and after that, when we are more stable and all, look back. think. for those leaders and ppl who have stood by you thru that. how many times have they been discouraged by those questions and words?
*
its indeed pretty discouraging and im sure alot of them [of course they are glad by those heartfelt sharing] went back and wondered to themselves, have i really tried hard enough?and im sure along those periods, they probably have got lots of frustrations and disappointments, with others and of course with themselves.
*
as i look back and think, i felt that there's one very impt question for ourselves, (those who are feeling like this, in a way, im sure many of us are, whether we say it / not.) have we ourselves in the first place tried? try to make a difference, in our lives and in others.
*
i read a book and that one sentence jumps out at me. when your QT becomes inconsistent, its the begining of your backslide journey. somehow, i think its a reminder from God to keep my path with Him right. sometimes im just so busy doing His work and my work and sub-consciously, i had neglected the One who sees it all. And somewhat, i think its God reminder to all of you too, satan can get us so busy with work and all that we spend lesser time praying, reading His word and being in His presence, the work we are doing can also be ministry work.
*
i guess when our walk with God is not constant, we will start to complain more in a way and slowly and surely, you see yourself heading nowhere and away from church and all. to me, i think its a choice, to decide to come back or go away. you know something? we can be on that run from God forever, forever, but we can never hide from God. He sees where we are, He sees what we feel and He knows why we are running even when sometimes we dont even know. As much as you will not agree, our God sees where you are right now, He sees right thru you into your heart. He knows that pain and hurt and even anger in you, and He knows the reason behind all these.
*
He's our Father, all He wants is our trust and obedience. hear Him say " come back, my child" today. im pretty sure it hurts Him alot when we hurt, when we choose to turn away. this is something that im learning to hold onto and let that truth of God cares deeply sinks in my heart.
*
hear Him ask, and hear Him say
Oh heart of mine, why must you stray?
Oh heart of mine, come back home...
just as you are
*
some shouts out:
FARAND: hey. :D you have been doing great with us, this new cg. and i can never be thankful enough for all your effort to do so much :)
JOSHUA: (: you are simply wonderful lah, i seriously thank God for the lengs and for always sending me encouragement thru you (:
RAYS: hey sorry abt sunday, i know you was quite pissed, but i really din want to go so far at a late afternoon, wells.
GARRY: wei, working life is diff ah, haha. thanks for all your reminders really. and i assure you that i see your effort to talk in cg and all. stand firm in the Christ ALONE.
MP: what else to say? haha, rock on,partner :D
HANNAH&AMANDA: ah, i love you/s :D friday! <33333333.
Labels: be different for God
i dont know why.
but today, time seems to pass very slowly.
letting this season pass seems like its taking forever.
*
i dont know why.
but recently, things feel abit different.
some things are good to have a change
but some i rather they stay the same.
love is something that comes from God
love is patient, love is kind.
perfect love drives out fear
you cant see, but im trying. maybe time really has a habit of slipping away...
Labels: i dont know y.
Sunday, April 01, 2007
*everything in its time-corinne may
Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead
How long till my hunger is fed
They say it's hard to make it in this part of town
So many people on this merry-go-round
*
Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer, To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and I try to pray
In the silence I can hear Him say
*
The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time
*
I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe
*
'cause maybe there's another plan
One I still can't see
A little surprise, like your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see
Labels: BEAUTIFUL IN HIS TIME.
i love this pic alot, yellow, my ever happy colour. love alot alot. LOVES
-
you know while helping others and all, i realised i answered alot of those questions and questions i never knew what to say abt when others asked me. again, i gonna say, insecurites is such a real thing and its something tt the devil always use to discourage me and all the times, he succeeded.
-
looking back at those past 5months, its alot abt learning more of myself and of course accepting others and myself. and realising the fact that Christ love everyone the same. its been a struggle for me cos i can nv understand why God loves us the same, cos being humans, we are all so self-centered. and sometimes i asked God, why cant He loves me more cos im hurting so badly.
-
been not wanting to think alot recently, cos i want to choose not to, haha, maybe cos thinking really drains me and my thoughts are not all very nice eh. cos thinking too much, hurts too.
-
okay, im really deciding to be happier. cos i know being happy is a choice, a decision that i have to choose to make myself. and abt letting go...i . i m trying. as much as i seriously dont want to, i know God can use me more when i chose to surrender and move on. :) He will makes things better.
-
the pic above, i love it alot. really alot, i did it, i sent it, i received it. its yellow, YELLOW is my happy colour :D and lots of smiles, i want to too. love.love.love.love.
-
was thinking of leadership. and it just cross my mind abt how alot of times, we think that we always gives and gives to the younger ones. but think abt it, i think younger ones gives too, arent we sometimes get encouraged by them too? sometimes i feel exclusive from leaders, i dont know why, haha. wells.
-
been sharing with some of you all abit abt my life and struggles recently. its encouraging in a way to always know that im not struggling alone, and God been moulding me. and im running to a God that is my saviour, a God who loves me. okay, yongling will keep that in mind.
-
because God forgives, i can
because God loves, i can too even when it hurts
whatever that doesnt break me, makes me stronger.
Labels: miss eating ice cream., yongling loves hazelnut
spent the late afternoon at johnson's hostel. haha, its so funny. amazing how everyone likes to sing and how talented they are(((:
take a step slower, and look ard you. 
i love this pic alot, yellow, my ever happy colour. love alot alot. LOVES
