Saturday, January 27, 2007
okay, back to blogging. and in a way, thinking and wondering out loud.past weeks have been busy and really tiring. with work, plannings, meetings and alot of stuff to do. and in the midst of all these, im so tired, so hurt by things happening ard and i still feel so broken. yes, broken. with the things i found out, realised, the lies, the promises and expectations not met. and everything boils down to hurts, pains , disappointments and discouragement once again. guess im really learning to grow up and i really understand what pastor kenny says when he says tt the higher you go in leadership, the lonlier you gets. even with ppl ard, im and i feel lonely. im really downcast and seriously sad these weeks.in the midst of re-building myself, i get hurt more and more. my relationships with ppl, working with others of diff personalities, coping with home, working at office, walk with God, so so so many other things. and esp my walk with God and relationships with ppl, i think its the worse and i really feel like such a failure lah. even if its others who hurt me, i still try to be good and all, but all i felt is tt i keep trying and trying and trying and trying and trying but no one appreciates and see tt im trying. altho God sees... i really feels like i fail really badly, you know? connecting with ppl and all. im really dead discouraged already. and you know, i really dont want to try anymore. cause i dont dare. most of the times i just feel like a human dart board, ppl just aims at me. and i really realised and found out about the things ppl talks abt me, and how words spread and how impression of me changes in others view?not one, but three or four you know? no, im not going to be defensive anymore, i shall just let God play His part. im REALLY DAMMMMMM sick and tired of all these nonsense, im ready to let go of all my friends and even kor if it comes to a point tt i have to. want all, TAKE IT. "God, help me, i really need to learn to move on from all these really deep hurts and i need to go on in life. take control of my thoughts and Lord, set me free by your grace, i feel so trapped and im so hurt, really. i felt tt ive lose almost everything. family, kor(which consists of alot of things, trusted friends, joy, love, precious times, and most impt i think i lose myself and my way. build me up again, i really cant move and go on. im deeply sick emotionally.God, take take all those pain away...pain tt never heals."
I am looking past the shadows
In my mind into the truth and I'm trying to identify
The voices in my head
God, which one is you
Let me feel one more time
What it feels like to feel alive
And break these calluses off of me
One more time
*every scar has a story to tell.yongling just wants to be loved.WHERE HAVE ALL THE JOYS AND LOVE WENT TO? hurts tt YOU can never comprehend and HURTs that you think are nonsense and not necessary.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
okay, back to blogging. and in a way, thinking and wondering out loud.past weeks have been busy and really tiring. with work, plannings, meetings and alot of stuff to do. and in the midst of all these, im so tired, so hurt by things happening ard and i still feel so broken. yes, broken. with the things i found out, realised, the lies, the promises and expectations not met. and everything boils down to hurts, pains , disappointments and discouragement once again. guess im really learning to grow up and i really understand what pastor kenny says when he says tt the higher you go in leadership, the lonlier you gets. even with ppl ard, im and i feel lonely. im really downcast and seriously sad these weeks.in the midst of re-building myself, i get hurt more and more. my relationships with ppl, working with others of diff personalities, coping with home, working at office, walk with God, so so so many other things. and esp my walk with God and relationships with ppl, i think its the worse and i really feel like such a failure lah. even if its others who hurt me, i still try to be good and all, but all i felt is tt i keep trying and trying and trying and trying and trying but no one appreciates and see tt im trying. altho God sees... i really feels like i fail really badly, you know? connecting with ppl and all. im really dead discouraged already. and you know, i really dont want to try anymore. cause i dont dare. most of the times i just feel like a human dart board, ppl just aims at me. and i really realised and found out about the things ppl talks abt me, and how words spread and how impression of me changes in others view?not one, but three or four you know? no, im not going to be defensive anymore, i shall just let God play His part. im REALLY DAMMMMMM sick and tired of all these nonsense, im ready to let go of all my friends and even kor if it comes to a point tt i have to. want all, TAKE IT. "God, help me, i really need to learn to move on from all these really deep hurts and i need to go on in life. take control of my thoughts and Lord, set me free by your grace, i feel so trapped and im so hurt, really. i felt tt ive lose almost everything. family, kor(which consists of alot of things, trusted friends, joy, love, precious times, and most impt i think i lose myself and my way. build me up again, i really cant move and go on. im deeply sick emotionally.God, take take all those pain away...pain tt never heals."
I am looking past the shadows
In my mind into the truth and I'm trying to identify
The voices in my head
God, which one is you
Let me feel one more time
What it feels like to feel alive
And break these calluses off of me
One more time
*every scar has a story to tell.yongling just wants to be loved.WHERE HAVE ALL THE JOYS AND LOVE WENT TO? hurts tt YOU can never comprehend and HURTs that you think are nonsense and not necessary.
